23 Jan Reason, Season, Lifetime – Build Relationship Resilience
Today we are talking about relationships but in a slightly different way than perhaps most people would think. I’m going to talk about relationship resilience. So let me start by asking you this question, what are the things that you value most about the people you enjoy spending time with? Because if they’re going to spend time with you, you might as well enjoy it right? What are the things you value most about your family relationships? Is it that those people care about you and you care about them? They make you smile, they make you laugh, they make you happy, they make you feel loved, they make you feel secure, they make you feel certain?
What is it they allow you to feel that you value in that relationship with them? What are the things that you value most about your friendships, so outside of your family? Again, I could repeat that list, is it that you love to spend time with those people because they lift you up?
They allow you to relax, have some downtime, share great memories, make great memories? Maybe they are motivational, maybe they inspire you, maybe they allow you to feel comfortable in your own skin and be around people that share the same values and interests etc.
What are the things that you value most about the people that you work with? There’s a question because some of you might work with family and some of you might work with friends or maybe you joined an organisation or created an organisation and the people that you worked with were strangers but now they’re friends or maybe they’re not, maybe they’re enemies, who knows! What are the things that you value most about the people you work with? Is it a sense of being a team player, is it a sense of camaraderie, is it a sense of sharing values and goals, common goals and outcomes? Is it that they just allow you to have a great day, they trust you to do a great job, you trust them to do a great job and it makes life, work life much more enjoyable to be there. Perhaps it’s a bit more like going out to play than going out to work. Maybe they are there when you have that down moment to just have that cup of tea and make you feel better, I don’t know what it is for you, what is it that you value? Maybe it’s that they have different skills, talents and gifts, different to the ones that you have and it’s so amazing to appreciate their gifts and you get to support each other in your roles and complement each other’s values that you bring to the team and to the business. So it’s kind of worth thinking about those things, what do you value in relationships because in order to create great relationships, great teams then you have to know what is most important to you.
So what’s that got to do with relationship resilience TeeJay? I hear you cry! Well sometimes in relationships, be they family relationships, personal relationships, intimate relationships, friendships, even work relationships . Especially when things happen and we’re left with a sense of disappointment, uncertainty, maybe anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt and you just cannot fathom out why did that happen? What went on? You just don’t understand and that why question goes round in your head. That knocks your resilience if you don’t understand the purpose of that relationship. So what I’d love to share with you today is my favourite poem in the world, so much so that I have the symbols that represent it tattooed on my wrist – so if we ever get to spend some time together, or maybe we’ve already had the pleasure of spending some time together which is awesome, you will either notice or you have noticed that I have certain symbols tattooed on my wrist. Maybe there’s an incentive for you if we haven’t met yet to come and connect with me and find out what those symbols are!
Hey represent a poem and this poem is called Reason, Season Lifetime. Now, anybody who knows me knows I live my life by three things, that’s all you need right, three things. Let me tell you what those three things are so you can get to share them – Siri, Google, and Amazon Prime –that’s all you need in life. If you were to ask Siri to Google this poem Reason, Season, Lifetime you will find it out there easily and so it’s not a poem that I wrote but it’s a poem that I love and adore, so I’m going to read that poem to you in its entirety as it was written and then I‘ll give you my take on it if you like, give you my insight and why I love it so much. So the poem as I said is called Reason, Season, Lifetime and the poem reads like this:
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid
you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say something
or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die, sometimes they walk away,
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What you must realise is this, that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done, the
prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a season, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you’ve never done, they usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it; it is real. But only for a season.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons —things you must build upon in order to have a solid
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put into practice what you have learned to use in
all your other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
I love and adore that poem, let me tell you why, in my opinion that’s so important – in my words people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. The reason is that it maybe that you have silently or out loud put out a question that needs to be answered or you need some help. Now that could be as simple as needing to be cheered up, your paths cross for that reason. It could be you just met somebody in a supermarket queue, you were feeling a little bit down, mulling things over, maybe you’re not feeling yourself and somebody speaks to you and makes you smile, makes you laugh and you go ‘you know what, thank you, I needed a bit of cheering up in that moment, I just needed to smile or take my mind of something’. It’s just fleeting, a couple of minutes and it’s done.
Or sometimes your paths might cross for half an hour, an hour, a few hours, a day, couple of days and then your question is answered, your need is met and that person is gone again, their job is done. Now sometimes for the lesson to be learned or the question to be answered or the gift to be given or received it takes a little bit longer, it’s a little bit bigger and it needs a season. So your paths cross for maybe months, may be years and once that gift has been given/received the lesson gained or the blessing given/received the answer received or given, well your job is done, your time is up or you need to move on, your purpose is already the outcome is achieved.
Sometimes we get the gift of a lifetime relationship and our paths come together side by side for a lifetime. Often that will be family, maybe close friends that share your lifetime journey with you, it could be a significant other but they’re rarer and just beautiful gifts right? However, here’s the challenge and here’s where the resilience thing kicks in, sometimes, we think that relationship is a lifetime relationship and it’s really just a season. The season ends because the lesson was given or received, the blessing given or gotten, the question answered and our job is done. Maybe you drift apart, relationships seem to fizzle out and you’re like ‘that’s amazing, how did that happen? We were such close friends, I don’t understand’, or maybe there’s a big argument and things blow up and you’re left hurt and thinking did I do something wrong? What happened, I don’t know how to put it right and they’ve disappeared and they’re not speaking anymore. Maybe you’re angry and you’re left with a sense of sadness or guilt or hurt or maybe somebody passes and you’re left with the regret of not saying what you wanted to say or needed to say or maybe you didn’t get to say goodbye, or maybe I never got to say I’m sorry and we hang on to the anger, the sadness, the fear, the hurt and the guilt. We can’t move on because we’re still holding on to those disempowering emotions because we don’t understand what happened, why did that happen?
So the thing is though, when you know that everyone came into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime then you can look back and ask ‘what lesson did I receive or get? What gift did I receive or give, what blessing did I give or get?’ Now, instead of holding on to the disempowering emotions that cause us all that lack of resilience, now I can take back my power and my resilience and go ‘oh my gosh, thank you, thank you so much for being in my life, I totally get now what that purpose was and I’m so grateful, thank you and now you can let go and you can move on. So I invite you just at the end of this particular podcast to reflect on the people who’ve been in your life in the past or maybe the relationships that you have in your life right now, and if you’ve got those blocks and your hanging on to those negative emotions that are causing wounds in your life then maybe it’s time to look back and find out what was the reason so that you can be grateful and move on.
So a little bit of a different topic in terms of resilience today and I’d love to hear your thoughts, you can connect with me at Ignition.Rocks on Instagram, you’ll find us at IgnitionYP on Facebook and you can tweet us at Ignition2017 on Twitter. I’d love to hear your thoughts, what breakthroughs, what insights, what gifts that Reason, Season, Lifetime may well have given you and I look forward to connecting with you again soon.